Burt’s Bees

Could this man be making Burt’s Bees Lipbalm?

Hi Brooklyn Dolls enthusiasts,

My name’s P and I’m really excited to be the first ever guest blogger for Brooklyn Dolls! Woo-hoo and such. So when my sister C recently visited me at my vast estate atop Mount Kilimanjaro and asked me to write a guest column for Brooklyn Dolls, my first reaction was of course “Why the hell didn’t you just email me? It must have taken you forever to climb Mt. Kilimanjaro.” And she was like “Oh, I didn’t think you had internet access up here.” So I was like, “Yeah, that’s understandable.” My SECOND question was… why are you starting a blog about 1980s punk band The New York Dolls? I mean, Iggy Pop is pretty awesome but…oh, it’s BROOKLYN DOLLS. And it’s about makeup and cocoa butter and stuff. Now I understand.

Anyway, before I officially begin, you should all know that I’m actually C’s BROTHER, which technically makes me a dude (or a “fella”, if you’re old timey), and therefore I’m only going to be reviewing really manly dude stuff. Such as Burt’s Bees Beeswax Lip Balm. Do you ever have one of those mornings where you wake up with dry, cracked, completely bloody and puss-filled lips? Well…then you probably need more than lip balm. But for normal people in search of something to protect their lips from the cold, nothing works better than “Burt’s Bees”! Legend has it that in the early 1900s a man by the name of Burt Hanson, a filthy rotten drifter and part-time chemical engineer, was on his way to a Mississippi brothel to re-marry his cousin Edwina when he noticed that his lips were slightly chapped. Not wanting to have any lip blemishes for his whorehouse-based marriage to a family member, Burt acted fast. He crushed some live bees into a bottle filled with glue and peanut shells, applied the concoction to his lips, and VOILA! Burt’s Bees Brand Lip Balm was born. Although Burt died later that afternoon from pneumonia and seventeen gunshot wounds to the chest, his recipe for lip balm still lives on.

Also, I’m not actually sure if any of that is true. In fact, it probably isn’t. But neither is that movie Avatar and people seemed to enjoy that! Anyway, Burt’s Bees is a really great lip balm. Go buy some!

Check out P (aka Pat Stango) at the live comedy spectacular Don’t Touch Me There this Friday, January 22nd at 7:30pm at Karma Lounge (51 First Ave, btwn 3rd & 4th Sts.) with special guest Leo Allen (Saturday Night Live). Free admission! wwwDontTouchMeThere.com

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